More Things I Learned From My 7 Year Old

So much about surviving in this business depends on attitude. Rejections, critiques, reviews...they can all get to you if you don't have the right attitude about them. Keeping a positive attitude can be anything but easy.

But it is possible to have a positive attitude about anything if you choose. Something that was brought home to me as I watched my 7 year old open his presents on Christmas morning.

He's a cute kid on any morning, but this Christmas, he was so flippin adorable I almost couldn't stand it. He didn't stop smiling once, not even when things didn't really go the way he wanted.

For instance, he and his sister received desks (she for her art, he for his science and art projects). They were both very excited about them, and about the presents stacked on top. Now, these presents went along with their desks (they were filled with office supplies, crayons, markers, stickers, etc). And since they both always get in my computer paper for their projects, I thought having their very own stash of paper would be fun.

My son unwrapped his paper (it was the first present he unwrapped) and when he saw what it was, he said, "Oh you gotta be kidding! Paper?"

Now, he could have said this as "Oh you gotta be kidding, paper?" *insert sarcasm and exasperated eye roll*

But it was said with a laugh and a smile. He put the paper to the side (instead of chucking it across the room) and moved on. Some kids would have reacted with a much different attitude. (And he has since had a lot of fun with that paper, so it's all good) :D

My favorite moment of the day came a few minutes later as he was going through his stocking. He found a box of those storybook lifesavers (which Santa forgot he didn't care for). He held them up, smile from ear to ear, laugh in his voice, and said "Awesome I hate these!"

Now, I think he was saying "awesome" and then realized what it was and switched to "I hate these" - but either way, he didn't throw a fit, he didn't even look disappointed, he just put them down and moved on. And gave the rest of us a good belly laugh at the same time :D

It got me thinking. How do we react when something doesn't go our way in the writing world? What do we do when a request that looked so promising comes back with a rejection? What do we do when a manuscript we thought was clean and polished and ready to go comes back from a critiquing with so much red you can't see the white of the pages anymore?

I realize everyone is going to have a moment where they want to quit, hit delete and never write again, or shoot off a nasty email to the person who sent that rejection or critique. It's natural and totally understandable to feel supreme disappointment. We pour our hearts and souls into our work and it hurts when it doesn't make it.

You can't do anything about how other people view your work. You can't make an agent sign you, or make that editor buy your book, or make your crit partners send your manuscript with a big smiley face and a "PERFECT!" rating.

But you can politely thank your crit partners and move on, even if you cried yourself to sleep over their comments, even if you'll never use one of their suggestions. They took time away from their own work to read yours. Just say thank you with a smile on your face and move on.

Got a bad reject? STAY AWAY FROM THE REPLY BUTTON. Resist the urge to tell that agent/editor that they don't know what they are talking about. Maybe they don't. Maybe passing on your book will someday be the biggest regret they ever have. I'm sure the people who passed on Stephenie Meyer and JK Rowling and John Grisham give themselves a little kick every now and then.

But it doesn't matter. This business is subjective in the extreme. Everything depends on getting the right book in front of the right person at the EXACT right time - over and over again. You can't control any of that. But you can control your attitude when disappointment comes your way. You can have a minute of mourning for the shiny possibility that didn't pan out....and then put a smile on your face and move on. Bigger and better things will be waiting for you if you have a good attitude and keep on going. A bad attitude will burn a lot of bridges and wear you down.

If my son and thrown a fit over the paper or the unwanted candy, Christmas morning would have been miserable for everyone. There were much better presents under the tree, more delicious candy in the toe of his stocking. But he never would have found that out if he'd stopped unwrapping after the first disappointment (and to be honest, his attitude about that paper was so good I'm still not sure if he was disappointed or not).

Bottom line - you are going to wade through a lot of coal before you get to the good stuff. Having a bad attitude about it will make the journey miserable for you and everyone you are involved with. A good attitude will make even crappy candy and stacks of computer paper a lot more fun, and it will make finally finding that shiny new bike under the tree a much more rewarding moment.

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday! :) May our new year be filled with good attitudes and awesome rewards for hard work :)

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More Things I Learned From My 7 Year Old

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Another cool post from the awesome Cole Gibsen :D

Had to take another brief moment to tell you that if you haven't read Cole Gibsen's post on Writing Like an X-Man, then you need to run, not walk, over to her blog. Seriously, one of the best posts EVER. :D

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Another cool post from the awesome Cole Gibsen :D

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Cole Gibsen - The Day I Learned to Take a Hit

The former step-dad was not a nice person. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years trying to avoid him. When I was a senior in high school, I often fled my house in the middle of the night and met up with my boyfriend who kept a sleeping bag stored in his camper shell because my midnight phone calls became so regular. We’d park in the middle of a cornfield and sleep in the bed of his truck because I had nowhere else to go and his parents wouldn’t let a girl sleep over (understandably). In the morning, I’d dust myself off, comb the tangles out of my hair with my fingers, gargle with Listerine, and go to school. Just another day…

The step-dad was fond of calling me lazy. He’d laughed and told me I was dreaming when I said I wanted to go away to college. He’d bully, taunt, and belittle me with his words and size to the point that I began to believe him. I began to think I was stupid, lazy, and would never amount to anything. That was, at least, until the day I got kicked out of the house.

I was seventeen and sitting at the kitchen table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The sun was out and the screen door was open allowing a warm breeze to sweep through the kitchen. My twelve year-old brother had just run in the house after a swim in the pool. He was wrapped in a towel and talking to me – though I can’t remember now what we were talking about.

Enter the step-dad. But this time, instead of attacking me he went for my brother.

“You’re dripping all over the floor!” he had screamed. “Are you stupid?”

My blood began to boil. This had never happened before. Normally I was the target not my kid brother.

“No, you’re not stupid,” the step-dad continued. “Stupid would imply you have a brain. But you don’t, do you? You’re brainless.”

My brother shrunk back as I had so many times before. As if he could will the floor to open and swallow him whole. My own fear was mirrored back at me in his eyes and it made me sick.

No.

I wouldn’t let step-dad to this. Not to my brother. My vision clouded over in a haze of red and I leapt from my chair with enough force to knock it over. “Shut up!”

The step-dad looked over at me, stunned, for I’d never, in the seven years he was married to my mom, spoke to him that way.

“He’s not stupid!” I’d screamed at him. “He’s smarter than you’ll ever be.”

At this point the step-dad’s eyes had dilated and he lunged. With his hands twisted in my shirt he shoved me against a wall with enough force to knock the wind from my chest.

And then, after several gasps for breath, I screamed the words that to this day make me smile every time I think about them, “Do it again! I dare you! Do it again!”

And of course he did and I was roughed up pretty good before being tossed from the house and having my belonging set on fire. But that’s not the point. The point is, I finally found the strength to not only defend my brother but to stand up for myself as well.

If that day never happened, I wouldn’t have gone to college and received my degree. I would have kept dating losers instead of finding my husband, a man who is convinced there is nothing I can’t do, and tells me so daily. If that day never happened, I wouldn’t have survived querying agents, submitting to editors, and wouldn’t have my book deal.

You see, I queried KATANA and another novel for two years before landing my agent. Each rejection (and there were a lot of them) was like the step-dad. “You’re not good enough,” they’d whisper. “You’re never going to make it. You’re writing sucks. Just save yourself the trouble and give up now.”

I could have done just that; given up and spared myself the pain of rejection. But that’s the thing – yeah rejections suck ducks, but they’re just pieces of paper. Take it from someone who takes martial arts – I’m not gonna lie, getting punched in the face hurts like a mother. But an email? A letter? Not so much.

If you believe in yourself, if you can take a hit, nothing and nobody can knock you down.

You got a rejection?

Do it again. I dare you. Do it again.




Linkage!!

Cole's Blog
Cole's Website
Cole on Facebook
Cole on Twitter

Awesome Cole Youtube Video

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Cole Gibsen - The Day I Learned to Take a Hit

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Thirty Word Thursday - A thought about dealing with rejections

Truman Capote on criticism responses:


Never demean yourself by talking back to a critic...Write those letters to the editor in your head, but don't put them down on paper.

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Thirty Word Thursday - A thought about dealing with rejections

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Owning My Insanity

First, for your Monday viewing pleasure:




Ever feel like that? :D Annnywho......

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same action expecting different results...or something along those lines.

It got me thinking. Are we, my dear writers, insane? Sending out query after query, revising over and over, plowing on despite the rejections and accidental deletions and manuscript fails and revision dead ends....

Or are we just persistent? Driven? Determined? Plain ol' stubborn? :D

I'm inclined to think it's a mixture of all of the above. I think it takes a certain amount of insanity to put yourself through the wringer that is the publishing industry. But at the same time, that wringer weeds out those who have a true passion for what they are doing from those who might have been trying out a passing fancy.

Because, let's face it, unless you absolutely love what you are doing, this game can really get to you.

The thought of querying both chills and excites me. It's daunting, to say the least. A seemingly never ending cycle of emails and snail mails and requests and rejections. Incredible highs followed by crushing lows....we seem to be our own special type of adrenaline junky.

Do I go jumping off cliffs?

Heck no!! I send a query letter, baby!!

Do I race a car around a track at 200 miles an hour?

No way! I go through my manuscript one more time and send that puppy off to the agent that I just know is impatiently waiting by their inbox.

I HIT SEND!!! WOOOOOO!!! What a rush! 

Did I curl up in the fetal position and cry uncontrollably when that tree fell on my car a few years ago?

Pshaw! I save that sort of devastation for REAL tragedies...like when that agent who LOVED my manuscript decides they just don't love it as much as they should. (just kidding....or am I?) ;-D

So, are we insane? Maybe. But you know what I love about writers? At least the ones I know, the ones who are so determined to make it they stick to their guns no matter what delightful particles of nastiness may be poised to smack them in the face -

They own their insanity.

They embrace, rejoice in it, and with a smile on their face and a song in their heart they put yet one more query letter in the mail, knowing that THIS time, the answer will be different. Despite the rejections that are literally wallpapering their office, they KNOW that eventually, someone is going to say yes.

And when that next rejection comes in, they simply say:




and do it all over again.

They are my heroes :D

And if that's insanity, well count me in. Sounds like a grand plan to me :)

How about you? Are you a proud, card-carrying member of the Insanity Club?

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Owning My Insanity

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