Life Lessons a' la American Idol

Okay, so I got sucked into American Idol this season. I haven't watched it since Kelly Clarkson won....I'm just too much of a bleeding heart boob. Watching Simon tear apart those poor kids (even when they really didn't sing well) just leaves me a blubbering pile of broken-hearted goo. So I steer clear.

However....

My mom was staying with me for a few weeks and I started watching it one night with her. It was group night, where the contestants get together in groups and plan a little performance. And there was this kid, a sweet, very young kid, who was kicked out of his group by an overzealous groupmate because he didn't go with the vibe of the group (or something along those lines).

The real problem....the kid had the voice, but not the looks. And no matter what the other guy said, everyone knew the reason why the sweet little 15 year old was asked to leave the group. Had the kid not been able to sing, I would have been sad for him but probably understood. If the contestants were being judged as a group, I might have understood. But while they were judged on stuff like their harmonies, at the end of the day, they were judged on their individual performances. The sweet kid wouldn't have messed up the groups vocals; he has a wonderful voice. So....yeah....there you have it.

And yes....I was a total crying, slobbering mess. My mom suggested therapy :D But I had to keep watching every week to find out what happened to these two.

They both made it to the next round. I knew the sweet kid wouldn't make it further than that. He really has a beautiful voice, but it needs a few more years to mature. And as much as I hated to admit it, the jerk guy can really sing. Like REALLY. An amazing voice.  He made it to the top 24. The sweet kid did not. And going on voice alone, the jerk guy deserved to be in the finalists.

However.....I never in a million years would have ever voted for him because of what he did to the sweet kid on group night.

And apparently I'm not the only one. He didn't make it into the top 10. And the judges didn't give him a chance for a Wild Card slot.

Here's the thing that I think some of the contestants may not have realized. Image DOES mean a lot in a business where you depend on your audience for success. What you do, what you say, how you act....it all matters. People are watching you, the people who will vote for you or buy your album, or see your movie, or read your book. And fair or not, their opinion of you and your work will be swayed by your actions.

Now, you might have the talent to get you pretty far. But bottom line, if your audience doesn't like or respect you as a person, it's going to hurt you in the long run.

So, what can we as writers learn from the poor guy who let his ambition get ahead of his common decency?

Don't burn bridges. Ever. Do what you need to do to succeed...but not at the expense of others. Pay it forward, don't slap them back. If you get a bad review, thank the reviewer for the time they took from their lives to read your book and move on. A simple "I'm sorry you feel that way but thank you for your time" and leave it at that. A rejection? Take the letter out and burn it if you want, but please refrain from firing back a hateful email to the poor agent. People are entitled to their opinions and unfortunately those opinions are not always going to be in our favor.

This doesn't mean you have to agree to crazy requests, spend all your time helping others at the expense of your own work, or put yourself in situations you don't want to be in. But be kind and professional no matter what the occasion.

Just remember, in businesses such as ours, talent is only a small percentage of what will make us succeed.
When it comes to entertainment, whether it be music, movies, or books, people have a LOT of choice in who they will spend their time with. Don't make it any easier for them to pass you over for the next guy. :)

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Life Lessons a' la American Idol

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Cole Gibsen - The Day I Learned to Take a Hit

The former step-dad was not a nice person. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years trying to avoid him. When I was a senior in high school, I often fled my house in the middle of the night and met up with my boyfriend who kept a sleeping bag stored in his camper shell because my midnight phone calls became so regular. We’d park in the middle of a cornfield and sleep in the bed of his truck because I had nowhere else to go and his parents wouldn’t let a girl sleep over (understandably). In the morning, I’d dust myself off, comb the tangles out of my hair with my fingers, gargle with Listerine, and go to school. Just another day…

The step-dad was fond of calling me lazy. He’d laughed and told me I was dreaming when I said I wanted to go away to college. He’d bully, taunt, and belittle me with his words and size to the point that I began to believe him. I began to think I was stupid, lazy, and would never amount to anything. That was, at least, until the day I got kicked out of the house.

I was seventeen and sitting at the kitchen table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The sun was out and the screen door was open allowing a warm breeze to sweep through the kitchen. My twelve year-old brother had just run in the house after a swim in the pool. He was wrapped in a towel and talking to me – though I can’t remember now what we were talking about.

Enter the step-dad. But this time, instead of attacking me he went for my brother.

“You’re dripping all over the floor!” he had screamed. “Are you stupid?”

My blood began to boil. This had never happened before. Normally I was the target not my kid brother.

“No, you’re not stupid,” the step-dad continued. “Stupid would imply you have a brain. But you don’t, do you? You’re brainless.”

My brother shrunk back as I had so many times before. As if he could will the floor to open and swallow him whole. My own fear was mirrored back at me in his eyes and it made me sick.

No.

I wouldn’t let step-dad to this. Not to my brother. My vision clouded over in a haze of red and I leapt from my chair with enough force to knock it over. “Shut up!”

The step-dad looked over at me, stunned, for I’d never, in the seven years he was married to my mom, spoke to him that way.

“He’s not stupid!” I’d screamed at him. “He’s smarter than you’ll ever be.”

At this point the step-dad’s eyes had dilated and he lunged. With his hands twisted in my shirt he shoved me against a wall with enough force to knock the wind from my chest.

And then, after several gasps for breath, I screamed the words that to this day make me smile every time I think about them, “Do it again! I dare you! Do it again!”

And of course he did and I was roughed up pretty good before being tossed from the house and having my belonging set on fire. But that’s not the point. The point is, I finally found the strength to not only defend my brother but to stand up for myself as well.

If that day never happened, I wouldn’t have gone to college and received my degree. I would have kept dating losers instead of finding my husband, a man who is convinced there is nothing I can’t do, and tells me so daily. If that day never happened, I wouldn’t have survived querying agents, submitting to editors, and wouldn’t have my book deal.

You see, I queried KATANA and another novel for two years before landing my agent. Each rejection (and there were a lot of them) was like the step-dad. “You’re not good enough,” they’d whisper. “You’re never going to make it. You’re writing sucks. Just save yourself the trouble and give up now.”

I could have done just that; given up and spared myself the pain of rejection. But that’s the thing – yeah rejections suck ducks, but they’re just pieces of paper. Take it from someone who takes martial arts – I’m not gonna lie, getting punched in the face hurts like a mother. But an email? A letter? Not so much.

If you believe in yourself, if you can take a hit, nothing and nobody can knock you down.

You got a rejection?

Do it again. I dare you. Do it again.




Linkage!!

Cole's Blog
Cole's Website
Cole on Facebook
Cole on Twitter

Awesome Cole Youtube Video

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An Interview and a Question - Is Talent Necessary?

First of all, I wanted to let everyone know that the awesome writing sisters over at Shooting Stars, Bethany Wiggins and Suzette Saxton, are hosting an Authorly Journeys Week. Several writers are hosting these interviews this week, for those who haven't seen them yet :) Today, Suzy and Beth have an interview with me posted. Head on over to their blog and be sure to stay a while! These ladies are two of the most talented writers I know :)

I came across these quotes the other day and they got me thinking. So I wanted to pick your brains about them :)

Quotes for the Day:


Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of two absolute necessities. 
The other, unfortunately, is talent.
~Ernest Hemingway


I see the notion of talent as quite irrelevant. I see instead perseverance, application, industry, assiduity, will, will, will, desire, desire, desire.
~Gordon Lish


Two great authors, two differing opinions. I tend to fall in the middle. I think you can get quite a ways with sheer hard work and stubbornness. I do firmly believe that if you don't have the drive, passion, and work ethic to put in the time it takes, no amount of talent is going to help you. Perhaps if you have really good editors, you can get away with not having any talent, but you still have to put in the work to get those editors. 


I guess, in a nutshell, I think they go hand in hand. You have to have the will and desire along with the talent. Perhaps the more talented among us have an easier time in some areas - maybe they don't have to revise as much or have an easier time coming up with fresh ideas or new ways of saying something. While I don't think that talent is irrelevant, I also think that busting your butt counts for a lot, and may make up for a lack of some talent.


So, what do you think? Can you be successful in this business if you have no talent but complete drive and passion? Can you be successful if you have the talent, but not the work ethic? 


And here's another question for you - can talent be learned, or perhaps replaced with experience and hard work? Or must you have at least a drop of talent in the blood you shed over your manuscripts?

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Just Suck it Up and Do It!!!

There has been a lot of talk around the blogosphere lately about fear and pushing through it to meet your goals. So I thought I'd throw in my two cents, such as they are.

This is actually something one of my writer friends/crit partners/agent buddies/ real life bestie and I talk about constantly. Oh, if you could only read the emails that fly between us. *sigh*

However, we've more or less come up with the conclusion that all this emotional intensity (to use Christine's phrase) is just a part of who we are. I think creative people in general, and writers in particular, are just wired to feel things in that extra special, super intense way. It's a job requirement. You have to be able to feel in order to make your reader feel as well.

But, with that intensity comes a lot of fear - fear of failure, fear of success, fear that you aren't good enough, fear that you are but no one will know it...

All those feelings are valid and even good for your writing. I think that fear is what helps add the extra spice to your work, the special zing of emotion that has your readers laughing or crying along with you. And I think it pushes us to make our work as perfect as it can be....makes us revise time and again, makes us agonize over finding that exact right WORD.

The problem arises when the fear stops you from doing what you are meant to do. When your fear of finishing that manuscript becomes so crippling you shove it under a bed or Heaven forbid, hit delete. When your fear of rejection causes you to walk away from the computer instead of hitting send. When your fear of criticism has you tossing your manuscript away or sending something unpolished and unready into the world instead of having a crit partner look it over.

So how do you get over the fear? How do you make yourself push past it? Well, I, for one, chant my new mantra....JUST SUCK IT UP AND DO IT!

What, you're tired? Too bad! Just suck it up and do it!

What, you're afraid you won't get the edits right and will have to revise again? Well, guess what, you are probably right. So Just suck it up and do it!!

What, you're afraid your crit partners are going to take their red pens and SHRED your manuscript? They've done it before and they'll do it again. So Just suck it up and do it!

Fear has it's place in our lives, and it's not always a bad thing. But you can't let it stop you. Roll with it. Grab it by the hand and tell it you love it. Buy it some flowers and make kissy faces at it. Stick your tongue out or give it the finger. Do whatever you have to do to make peace with your fear....and then suck it up and just do it. Cause no one is going to do it for you and chances are, they wouldn't do it as well as you even if they could. Make fear your new BFF and show it what you're made of.

What about you? Do you have any techniques for conquering, or at least dealing, with your fears?

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